Things

Every material possession I have own, with the exception of my guitar, has eventually lost its luster. Things have gone from cherished the first day to one more item to fuss over, to fear to loose, to dust. How many times have I caught myself saying "I want, I want, I want" when I cannot recall chanting any specific needs. I have accumulated half a house of things I would not even attempt to save in the event of a fire.

If I had no shirt, I would need a shirt but once I have that shirt I automatically want a better shirt. And once I have a better shirt I want many of those better shirts because why would I have only one better shirt when I could have all my shirts be better. Then I want the best shirt. There is nothing wrong with the shirts I have, stiff collars and all the buttons, but those shirts don't need to be ironed and cost a lot more, so they must be better, they must be the best shirts I could get. And why have only one of the best shirts when I could have an entire wardrobe of the best shirts. Only then will I be handsome and professional, the best I can be.

I go through this routine in my mind, but all my shirts, no matter the quality, end up with an amazing amount of dirt around the collar in a heap at the bottom of my closet.

I want not to want, but this is so very difficult. If I did not want I would end up with a life of empty space, no furniture to fill my house, no new records or books, and old clothes that need replacing. I guess I could put these items in my 'needed' category, but I can't honestly sit here and say I need a new couch when I already have one that keeps my butt off the grounds quite well. Thinking about it right now, there is nothing I really need, which I suppose makes my very fortunate. I guess I am just writing this to try and prevent myself from continuously chasing some unrealistic conception of what success is and further emphasize the gratitude I have for what I have.