Say AHHHH

I have a small mouth. I have always seem to be aware of this all through my life but have seldom brought it up to anyone. Back when I got braces, my orthodontist told me he was going make my mouth larger and give me a more pronounced jaw bone, make me more manly. It did not work. This could be because during wrestling practice my tooth got caught in John Zell's tee shirt and pull it out just a little bit and now I have a snaggletooth. This may have undone all my orthodontist's hard work and left me crippled with my small mouth. I usually become aware of my miniature mouth the most when someone asks me to repeat something because I mumbled it to them, which I seem to do a lot.

Last week I bet Rachelle that I could fit more grapes in my small mouth then she could fit in hers. I started jamming grapes in my mouth and was up to about eight when Rachelle took my bet and started to fill her mouth too. I got 12 grapes in my mouth, but she beat me by a few. Flabbergasted! I know I have a small mouth but I am a man damn it and I should not be losing bets like this to my wife. We tried talking shit to each other but because our mouths were full of grapes it only came out as grunts and moans. I removed my grapes like a gentleman but to my disgust, Rachelle pretty much vomits the grapes up with juice gushing down her face. What a slob.

Though she won, I am going to attach an asterisks to her accomplishment. First of all she has amazingly elastic cheeks that allow her be chimpmunkish. My cheeks enjoy no such luxury. Secondly, I have extremely large tonsils that occupy a big part of my throat. Valuable grape real estate. Point being, she cheated.