The Hot Pepper Story

Let me take you back to when Garden Club first began. I was living with my roommate Troy in an apartment up in Seneca Falls, NY. First of all, Troy is great, he will try anything for the thrill of it and then laugh historically about it for days. He was never really in the Garden Club officially, but was always there in spirit.
So anyway, the garden was a disaster...The soil was pure clay, in would not rain for weeks at a time, it was in a field so covered with weeds that the baby weeds were unstoppable, and I was in school getting my degree, so who had time to garden? The total vegetables collected: three tomatoes, one green pepper, some borrage (an edible flower mostly used on fancy cakes), some dill, some other herbs, one ukaliptise plant, and about 12 super hot peppers.
I had no idea how hot these peppers were because I don't like spicy hot things, but I wanted to know for the mere fact they were the only thing that really grew in that waistland. I take the peppers home and say "hey Troy, you have to try one of these peppers, they are SO GOOD!" Good old Troy says "Sure, give me one" and inside I'm cracking up thinking he is going to start whining "oh, these peppers are so hot, why would you do that to me..wah wah wah". Troy eats about half the pepper...and nothing, says there okay but nothing special. This entices me to try one, I take a bite, and nothing...for about a minutes. Well the time difference between when Troy ate his and when I ate mine was about 30 seconds, and soon enough Troy's eyes start bugging out of his head and he starts turning all red, then it happens...
These stupid peppers were like mace and put us in the most pain either one had ever been in! The scene is Troy and I standing there going "AHHHHHHHHHH, make it stop" and a lot of cursing. Troy proceeds to stick his head under the kitchen faucet, and since my fat head wouldn't fit under the bathroom faucet, I run outside and start squirting myself in the face with the hose. Tears, snot, spit, and sweat are pouring off us and wouldn't stop. Soon enough we realized that the water was not cutting it, so both of us soaking wet start trying other options in a purely chaotic manner. Troy starts eating things to try and dilute the venom, I run to the fridge and seem to remember that milk stops the burn when eating spicy foods. I reach for the Soy milk, all we had, and start pounding it...yeah, it was like 4 months old and totally spoiled and chunky leading me to start vomiting all over. Not a good day.
After about 45 minutes we decide we're okay, that no hospital visit is necessary, and that this experience was probably about the funniest thing ever. What to do...give the peppers to all our friends and enjoy the half hour of them suffering. The thing is, people started to want the experience and started asking for the peppers. Man, it was great watching all these people think they were good with spicy foods, then become absolute babies. So the moral of the story, don't eat things I give you.