The Garden Club

Monday, May 01, 2006

Augustus Gloop, you got screwed




It sucks, but it is true,
Augustus Gloop, you got screwed!

So I was watching Willy Wonka (the original, not the corny new one with the terrible umpa lompas) and I noticed something different. Augustus Gloop, which is the fat kid from Germany was absolutely hosed. If you remember, he is the one who fell in the river of chocolate and was shot up the tube into the fudge factory (not the marshmallow room like his mom thought). Unfortunately, he did little wrong. Just before all the children enter the magical room where everything is candy Willy Wonka states that they can eat anything in the room. The children are even encouraged to indulge. Well, Wonka freaks out when Augustus starts drinking from the chocolate river. If the river was not to be touched, it should have been pointed out before going through that tiny little door, "everything is edible, but please don't touch the river". It seems Augustus Gloop was punished for being fat, "eating as much as an elephant eats". This hatred for fat people is unfair and I think Augustus was the one who deserved the factory...here's why...
Violet Beauregarde...grabs the gum out of Wonka's hand and eats it right in front of him...she deserved to be turned into a blueberry.
Veruca Salt...what a bitch...has to sing a whole song about her selfish wants and should not be given anything ever (she has the best name though)
Mike Teevee... Defies Wonka despite the warnings and has no respect for his elders. Let him shrink into oblivion.
Charlie Bucket...Commits the worst sin of all...sneaks into the forbidden part of the factory and gets it all dirty and doesn't even tell anyone. Charlie could have at least confessed to his crimes, but no, he only apologizes after he is caught. In my opinion, he is the least deserving character and only wins because he is skinny and Caucasian. That's right, where are all the ethnic contestants. Blacks must eat chocolate, in fact, I know they do, I've seen it with my own eyes.
So, in conclusion, the chocolate factory should be given to Augustus Gloop or a black man, either one, I don't care.

1 Comments:

  • At 3:47 PM , Blogger Evan said...

    Your pictures are always grainy or pixelated. Fix it.

     

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