What's wrong with me?
Seriously, I think something is wrong with me. I guess I shouldn't be writing this for all to see, but here it goes (this should go on the complaint department).
I apparently suck at real life. Send me to school and I'm golden. Tell me to learn four chapters of a book and I'll rock it out. Give me As or Cs, whatever, I don't care, but give me a job, one where I'm my own boss even and make my own rules and I am the worst. I hate it, and the thing about it is I love what I do, but I hate the concept of working. I guess that's the problem, its not like I don't like this job in particular, there is nothing else I'd rather do, its that I don't want to do anything. And when I was not doing anything a few months ago, I got to hate that too! AHHHHHHHHH, will I never be content? I have the worst case of "the grass is always greener" syndrome. I always want to be doing something different, but once I start I'm like, "this sucks" and start looking for something else. I wish I could just stick to one thing, commit, and be satisfied. I wish I liked developing my skills at this job like I love developing my music skills, my intellegence, and my personal relationships, but I don't.
Complaint #2
For some reason I have become too self conscious. Out of no where I have stopped liking to talk to new people and I apparently hate selling things to people. I have done karyoke in front of 100s of people. I have gotten up on stage and sang and played my guitar with absolutely nothing holding me back in front of a lot of people. I would talk in front of my class of 130 with no problem, never minded public speaking, and never, ever cared what anyone thought of me. Now that I have to do it for a living, I suck, I'm all like ummmmm aaahhhh ohhhhhhh. Every word the majority of people I meet speak is so boring I find myself struggling to care. Its not everyone, I have some patients that can carry the string theory/early American literature/David Hume's philosophy conversations, but these are few and far between.
Complaint #3
I am a snob, mostly for the end of the last reason. If someone can't say something interesting, I automatically judge them, thus making me a huge snob. What sucks the most is that I know I do it and can't seem to change.
This is me getting this crap of my chest, I am taking full responsibility of my downfalls and need to change. Lord help me, it is going to be a long struggle.
I apparently suck at real life. Send me to school and I'm golden. Tell me to learn four chapters of a book and I'll rock it out. Give me As or Cs, whatever, I don't care, but give me a job, one where I'm my own boss even and make my own rules and I am the worst. I hate it, and the thing about it is I love what I do, but I hate the concept of working. I guess that's the problem, its not like I don't like this job in particular, there is nothing else I'd rather do, its that I don't want to do anything. And when I was not doing anything a few months ago, I got to hate that too! AHHHHHHHHH, will I never be content? I have the worst case of "the grass is always greener" syndrome. I always want to be doing something different, but once I start I'm like, "this sucks" and start looking for something else. I wish I could just stick to one thing, commit, and be satisfied. I wish I liked developing my skills at this job like I love developing my music skills, my intellegence, and my personal relationships, but I don't.
Complaint #2
For some reason I have become too self conscious. Out of no where I have stopped liking to talk to new people and I apparently hate selling things to people. I have done karyoke in front of 100s of people. I have gotten up on stage and sang and played my guitar with absolutely nothing holding me back in front of a lot of people. I would talk in front of my class of 130 with no problem, never minded public speaking, and never, ever cared what anyone thought of me. Now that I have to do it for a living, I suck, I'm all like ummmmm aaahhhh ohhhhhhh. Every word the majority of people I meet speak is so boring I find myself struggling to care. Its not everyone, I have some patients that can carry the string theory/early American literature/David Hume's philosophy conversations, but these are few and far between.
Complaint #3
I am a snob, mostly for the end of the last reason. If someone can't say something interesting, I automatically judge them, thus making me a huge snob. What sucks the most is that I know I do it and can't seem to change.
This is me getting this crap of my chest, I am taking full responsibility of my downfalls and need to change. Lord help me, it is going to be a long struggle.
posted by Garden Club @ 3:25 PM
2 Comments:
At 5:07 PM ,
xero said...
dude, you're the man. you may have problems with being you, but congratulations, you're human. fortunately you're one of the ones that can recognize problems and will apply, perhaps in the form of scientific method, time and energy to overcome these obstacles. and if anyone on this planet can do it, it's you.
being you're own boss is tough. probably the toughest thing ever. i mean, come on.. thats why they have boot camp for the army. self discipline is the hardest thing to achieve. i'm far from it as well, but i like to think of it as a stride rather than a finish line, and you can't establish a stride without correcting a few misplaced steps. excellence is a habit.
since you asked (or didnt... whatever, apparently im pretentious), i think everyone's a snob. but not everyone realizes it. being a snob is a psychological defense mechanism. when something unfamiliar comes our way, rather than be wrong, we put up a front of "that's stupid" as to protect our own ego. i mean, who wants to be wrong. but i think its important to recognize the defense mechanism and give time for open interpretation, free of bias. not everyone cares to talk about philosophy or space time, and not everyone cares to talk about episodes of Lost or what Angelina Jolee wore to the Grammys... or whatever. you never know who you'll meet, and if and when those people might help you out in the future.
just remember, they're all just gumption traps, and you might just be needingt o regain your enthusiasm. i know what you need. you need to go swimming. an inground pool and cannon balls are the only precription for this pain!
At 5:35 AM ,
Anonymous said...
This site is one of the best I have ever seen, wish I had one like this.
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