Fly Eagles Fly

So my Phillies are not in the playoffs. Again. For the 13th straight season. Again they made it exciting at the end only to leave Philadelphians angry and annoyed. At least we have our Eagles. I really haven't been overly excited about the Eagles in recent years. I think part of it was that I was living in New York for three years and just couldn't get overly excited watching the birds on a small screen TV in a bar full of Jets fans. Also, its really not that exciting when there are only two or three of you compared to everyone within a one hour radius. The other part of it was I was getting kinda fed up with these rich jerks who o complain about money and playing time and don't really seem to care about anything but expensive sunglasses and jerk ass agents. Well, now I am back in Philadelphia and football has become fun again. I love watching Comcast Sportsnet, which has a totally biased birds view. I also really like the Eagles as professionals. How can a person not respect Brian Dawkins. He might be a killer robot, but he is always encouraging to those around him, he speaks the truth, he is totally self confident, and appears to be a really nice guy. The same goes for Westbrook, and Shawn Andrews is funny as hell. Finally, Donovan is hysterical and makes you want to be his friend. The whole team always seems to be helping people and for the most part every single player is very well spoken. So, good job Eagles, you have impressed me once again. Now go win the Super Bowl...do it, do it now.

Hate you phillies.

Blah Blah Blah

Blah Blah blah blah blah
blah blab blab blah

waa whaaa whaaaaaa ho

blah blow

I wish I had suction cups on the palms of my hands so I could stick to things better.

America's Funniest Home Videos is still a funny show.

My lips are chapped.

The Moccha steamer from Wawa is pretty good but left a dry feeling in my mouth for over an hour.

A commercial on TV today said that "cheese was the hardest thing in the world to cube". I don't think this is true.

I'm going to New Hampshire friday afternoon.

The plants in my office are gigantic.

My dog ate my really cool belt with the cool ass buckle.

I really hope everyone out there has a great, great week!

Two New Books

I recently finished reading two new books, both of which were very good and very different.

The first, "Grendel" by John Gardner, I picked up at Borders on a whim because I liked the cover. This is something I have never done before, but it worked out this time. Grendel is the mythical villian from "Beowulf", the thing that creeps in the dark and gobbels up entire groups of men in a single attack. This book is written from the view point of Grendel as he watches the stupid humans form their civilizations and opinions. Grendel knows they need him because humans need to have an antagonist to fear in the night. Likewise, he also knows that he needs the humans because "If I eat them all, I would be nobody because nobody would know of me." The book is very philosophical, funny, and trite as Grendel watches the different characters (heros, priests, women) evolve and learn about themselves, only to eat them for the fun of it. If you have not read Beowulf, you probably will have no idea what is going on.




The second book was "Fight Club". Most of you have probably seen the movie. Well the book is just as good (it was a great movie) and has a better ending. The book is pointfully violent, fast, and provoking as Chuck Palahnuik takes jab after jab at our pathetic material existence. The book does a better job than the movie at making you feel bad about worrying over your clothes, your furnature, and all those other removable objects. I read it in like two or three sittings so do yourself a favor and pick it up.





Next, I think I might check out the Space Oddyse series, at least the first three cause I've read the rest are just terrible.

My blog vs. My space

Blog Gods, please forgive me.

I started a myspace account. I had to, I had no choice. I was looking for my old track buddies, and I could not search without an account.

I still love my blog though. My space is like the boardwalk down the shore...overly bright, way too gaudy, and you see a bunch of people you really don't want to see. It seems each and every sight has one too many flashes and pointless surveys.

My blog is mine. Its my own little place away from all those spiky haired Italians who flock to Bellmar on summer weekends. Its a refuge from Jessica Simpson and Brad Pitt and their little baby. Its a place that doesn't unexpectedly start playing annoying pop songs and remains a safe haven from all those who wish to whore themselves out to anyone who wishes to see. I try to remain modest and honest on my blog, but not so on MySpace. Here is my profile from myspace:

What do you want to know? I was born on a cattle ranch in Northwest New Mexico. My parents owned and operated their own "ranch and relax" where they would "Tom Sawyer" city folk into doing all the hard work. Seems stupid, I know. Those "urban cowboys" paid a lot of money to brand oxen and milk dairy cows. All the while my mother, who claimed to be one third Aztec, and my father, who was of Hessian decent, became very rich and very fat. August 24th, 1986 was the first day neither of my parents could fit through the front barn door. I remember this because my dad got stuck and when my mom tried to push him out the barn crumbled and killed both of them. Reluctantly I was sent to live with my uncle in Baltimore. He lived in the slums off the bay and referred to himself as the original ghetto superstar. The man had no furniture and spent most of his days telling me how we would be better off had the English defeated the Americans in the Revolutionary War. I couldn't stand it. At the age of 12 I ran away. I thought running away would be more difficult, like someone would notice or care. No one did, no one ever does. It was as easy as moving one foot in front of the other, then repeat. Repeat. Repeat until I ended up in Philadelphia. Little did I know I was following in the steps of my mental mentor Dr. Ben Franklin. I lived in a shelter on Arch Street, it is still there today. My room consisted of three triple bunk beds,one lamp, and nine older black men. Needless to say I slept on the floor for two straight years, the best two years of my life. It was at this time that one of my roommates, Arthur Brocklin was his name, taught me to play the Jew's Harp. At the age of 18, with little else to do, I declared my self a professional Jew's Harp player, joined a band, and toured the country. I became good, real good, and as my fame grew more and more blue grass bands had me stand in on their studio recordings. In 1999 I was honored to play my harp with the Kansas City Orchestra in their rendition of "A tribute to David Grismond; A true blue grass legend". It was a great moment in my life. Fearing a draft I migrated to Canada in 2005, only to recently return to the U.S. to peruse a degree in chiropractic. I am currently holding my breath until I feel it safe to breath again.

Sometimes it is fun to make up stories about yourself. Dylan was famous for it, to the point no one knew what was true and what was a fable.

Thank you blog for returning me to myself.

Camping

I am a good camper. I think my best camping skill is gathering twigs and small sticks as kindling to start the fire. The key here is to look under trees. At first I was searching the ground in an open field only to discover that twigs do not migrate. Twigs are stationary. My other key to successful stick gathering is to do it during the day when the sun is out. Twigs do not glow in the dark. I also exceed at hot dog cooking over an open fire. I understand that different people have different methods of cooking their hot dog. There's the "put the hot dog directly in the flame" way, but this usually results in burnt hot dog skin and cold hot dog middles and should only be used if your hot dog is covered with bugs that need to be shock killed. A better method is to slowly turn your hot dog about 4 inches above the flames. This allows maximum heat absorption and hot dog deliciousness.

Rachelle, Sofee, and I went camping this weekend at Hickory Run State Park. Why don't I camp more often... or always. Camping is great cause you are never in a hurry. At home I always feel like I should hurry up and do the dishes or hurry up and walk the dog. When your camping there is no hurry because there is nothing else to do. Why would I hurry up and make a fire only to sit there and look at the fire. I wouldn't. I would take my time and construct a tepee of the twigs I gathered and slowly expand into bigger logs.

On Saturday morning we went for a 4 and a half hour hike through the woods, something like 12 miles. It was far, but fun. We took several breaks, but Sofee just wanted to keep going. She would all of a sudden sprint ahead of us to the point where she could not see us anymore, then sprint back. Apparently dogs do not tire.

The Ever Living Mumm-ra talks trash to Tim B's lame fantasy football team

The Ever Living Mumm-ra hates those Thundercats...and he hates Tim Bietz's fantasy football team even more cause they suck. They are not all powerful like The Ever Living Mumm-ra and Team Jimbo. They are not all awesome like The Ever Living Mumm-ra and Team Jimbo. They are 0-2 while Team Jimbo is 2-0. Whhaaa haaaa haaaaa haaaaa haaaaa!!!

"Ancient spirits of evil, transform this decayed form to Mumm-Ra, the Ever-Living!"

The four god-like focii of all evil, whose statues stand in the Black Pyramid will curse Team Homebase. They give Mumm-Ra immortality in exchange for perpetual servitude, and nearly unlimited powers, especially this Sunday! Whhhaaaaaa haaaa haaaa!!!

The Ever Living Mumm-ra shall wave the awesome Sword of Plundarr several times through the air to route and cheer for Team Jimbo while at the same time discouraging any advancement byTeam Homebase.

The Ever Living Mumm-ra shall have Ma Mutt the Loyal "Dog" of Mumm-Ra pee all over Team Homebase's nicely folded pile of clean tee shirts and laugh as he notices "Dog" pee all over his clothes. Whaaaaaa haaaa haaaa haaa!!!

The Ever Living Mumm-ra!!!

A few things

First of all, I am either an idiot or a true champion of human interest stories. After much thought I decided not to take the job in Hamilton which would have paid for the remainder of my overhead at my business, $55,000 base and a percentage of whatever money I can bring in. It was a hard choice, partly because I am like the worst business man ever and partly cause I'm a poor bitch making very little so far. Well, my guitar doesn't play itself and I would miss hanging out with Rachelle and Sofee too much to work the 10 hours per day. So I am staying at Robinson Family Chiropractic for the time being. This was a very harrrrrrrd choice matie.

Second, I rarely go to the drive through. Something always seem to go wrong. Either you can't understand the person inside, or they screwup your order and you end up with no fries or no straw or something. Besides, how lazy are we? Yesterday I made an exception. It was beautiful outside out of nowhere, wasn't expecting the nice weather at all. I had all types of chores to do during my three hour lunch break and I decided the best line of action would be to grab a quick Dunkin Doughnuts iced coffee to get me through. I went to the one on rte 38 going towards the malls and decided to just go through the drive through...how bad could it be for only one coffee? Well, some lady is right in front of me and gets to the speaker thing first. This is what followed as heard by me...

Lady: "Hi, do you have breakfast sandwiches"
DD girl: "Yes"
Lady: "What kind do you have?
DD girl: goes through all the sandwiches.
Lady: "NO, I don't want any of those, what else do you have"
DD girl: "umm...Doughnuts"
Lady: "Ok, I'll have an egg sandwich on a crousoint"
DD girl: "anything else"
Lady: "Do you have doughnuts?"

Okay, time out. You are at Dunkin DOUGHNUTS. The DD girl already told you they have DOUGHNUTS. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU. For real, I don't ever think I was so mad. back to the conversation.

DD girl: "umm...yes we have doughnuts"
Lady: "Do you have those large curlers"
DD girl: "No, we have bowtie curlers"
Lady: "no, i don't want one of those, what else do you have"
DD girl: lists all the doughnuts
Lady: "Umm, do you have french vanilla coffee"
DD girl: Yes
Lady: "Do you have Irish creme coffee?"
DD girl: Yes
Lady: "okay, ill have a small ice water"
DD girl: "ummm...do you want any doughnuts"
Lady: "No, no doughnuts"

This took, I kid you not, about five minutes. I was fuming. It was the dumbest thing I have ever experienced. If you don't know what they have, get your fat ass out of the car and go inside. I have to stop talking now, I am getting mad again. Shiver me timbers.

Lastly, today is National talk like a pirate day.
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

My Diet

I was standing in line at Wegman's last night thinking how funny it would be if I stacked all my food items up into a pyramid shape on the conveyor belt at the cash register. Im sure the cashier would be like "what the hell" but she's getting paid like $7 an hour if that at probably would not have the guts to say something. I wanted to try it, but Rachelle wouldn't let me. We usually spend about $60 a week for the two of us, which isn't bad at all because we eat a prepared dinner pretty much every night. Our essentials include: rye bread, eggs, almonds, apples, one green pepper, salad mix, carrots, soy milk, orange juice, olive oil, and cucumbers. We also like to be sure we have ground turkey, grapes, fish, one other meat of choice, cliff bars, granola bars, raisins, yogurt, Kashii cereal, and a variety of other fruits and vegetables. In case you couldn't tell, we are healthy eaters. Last night Rachelle made a delicious Falafel platter which hummus and tomatoes, and fries.

In other news, I may be getting a new job and closing my business. Between Rachelle's office not being finished yet and my office being slow and almost steady at best we are making just enough to pay the bills...not where you want to be with two doctors working two jobs. This is just a speculation at this point, but I kinda hope it works out. Ehhh...Here's to trying!

Fantasy Football

My first fantasy football draft was last night. It was fun but I don't seem to know any of the players. I think my biggest mistake was taking daunte culpepper too early on. I had no idea QBs would be so easy to get in the latter rounds. Oh well.

Here is a list of my players (by position):
Eli Manning
Daunte Culpepper
Rudi Johnson
Chester Taylor
Tatum Bell
Chris Brown
Cedric Houston
Steve Smith
Plaxico Burress
Darrell Jackson
Drew Bennett
Bryant Johnson
Randy McMichael
Micheal Gaines
Jay Feely
Pittsburgh D

I don't know why I picked so many stupid ass Giants, it just made sense last night.

Go Team!

Oh mama, can this really be the end

The rag man draws circles up and down the block
I'd ask him what the matter was
but I know that he don't talk


I think I have restless leg syndrome cause I've been feeling the need to get out of South Jersey for some time now. For as long as I can remember I have loved this place and always wanted to come back. Well now that I'm back I am realizing that it is not so great. I mean, its okay but I'm sure there are much nicer places, places I've probably never been. I guess the grass is always greener.


to be stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again.

Why teaching is a great job

After only six months of working it has become obvious to me that teachers have the best jobs. There are several reasons for this:

1. Summers off- Man I missed having this summer off. Number of times I made it to the beach this year-one. One time. If I were a teacher I think I may spend days just sitting in the sun. I would relearn how to surf and maybe even start fishing. I would also consume a lot more margarettas.

2. Your day is over by 3:00ish- currently I am working 8 to noon and 3 to 8 at night. I have to have lunches off cause no one comes in at lunch time. It sucks. I go home, eat dinner, and get ready for the next day. If I were done by 3:00 I think I might read every single book ever written. I would go on long walks with my dog and play my guitar to redeveloped my skills.

3. You can coach a sport if you want- I would love to coach the throwing events at a high school, but there is no way I will be able to take off two to three hours in the afternoon. I also miss being part of a team.

4. There is always an end- It seems one of the things I miss is an end date, a day to look forward to. Summer vacation, a week off at Christmas, spring break...all those "last day before" days.

5. Field Trips- what, I get to go to the Franklin institute and White's Bog..Freakin' Sweet!!! I know I could go by myself on the weekend, but it just seems like it would be a lot more fun with 100 screaming kids (that may get old real quick).

I know there are a ton of downsides to teaching such as stupid kids, smelly kids, jerk ass kids, fat kids, and chalk dust but looking at it as an outsider, it seems like a pretty good gig.

Okay, new post

I'll try to write more often. It feels like I have nothing to talk about lately, at least nothing of interest. If I think of something, I'll let all you know.

Active and Passive Hamstring Stretching

Your hamstrings are a group of muscles located at the posterior thigh. They are considered a “large muscle group” and are therefore very important in sport activities. There are three muscles that make up the hamstring; biceps femoris, semimembranosus, and semitendinousus. This is important to understand because though you may be properly stretching one muscle correctly, the other two may be getting neglected causing increased ache and decreased range of motion.

The purposes of the hamstring muscles are to flex the knee and extend the hip. For example, if you bring your heel to your butt or kick your leg back, you would be using your hamstrings. As humans evolved, they were constantly bending over and performing manual labor which kept the hamstring functioning properly. As modern society began to sit more regularly hamstring dysfunction became more prevalent.

Stretching

There are two types of stretches; active and passive. Active stretches are ones that you actively do yourself. These are good for warming up before competition and consist of a series of leg swings. For the hamstring, stand facing a fence or wall. Slowly swing your foot in front of you using your hip as a pendulum base. The foot is going to go across the body then out toward your side. Be sure to start with small movements before pushing your foot higher and higher into the air. Perform three sets of 20 for each leg.

The next active stretch is similar to this, however this time turn 90° to the right. Perform a leg swing forward and backward being sure to start with small movements and build up to a full stretch. Again, 3 sets of 20.

PNF stretching is also a great way to loosen up chronically tight hamstrings. First find a partner. Lie on your back and have them perform a straight leg hamstring stretch to the point you feel discomfort and hold there for 10 seconds. Proceed to push your leg into your partner at about 10-20% of maximal effort for 10 seconds, then relax. While relaxing your partner should be able to push your leg even further.

Passive stretches, such as this one, are best performed with a warm muscle or after activity. Using a towel or rubber tubing, slowly pull your foot toward your head while keeping a straight knee. Perform three sets of 15-20 seconds for each leg.

My night Shamalon

I've been all bummed out lately about not having any free time, translating into me not playing my guitar, me not reading, and me not chatting to you nice people. Pretty sad I guess, but I always try to make extra time out of my evenings. Take tonight for example. I got done with my last patient at 7:00, worked out to about 7:45, came home and showered, then ate a great dinner of turkey meatloaf, string beans, and mashed potatoes. We went down to the Merchantville Diner to get the potatoes, and they were delicious. Actually the entire dinner was amazing, even topped in off with a Yuengling and a few fresh home made oatmeal cookies from my mom.

After after dinner festivities, I went into my room to start the daily routine of picking out an outfit for tomorrow, ironed, gathered the combo socks-underwear-tee shirt, and found the right tie to match everything. I usually dislike this task very much, in fact I usually yell at the iron for at least two minutes before cursing our mere existence over the fact I have wrinkly slacks. Tonight, however, I found my old "Who's Next" by The Who album and played it. It rocks something awesome, but I get somewhat board listening to it. After "bargain" I realized the reason I don't listen to this album on a regular basis is because every song on the entire album is played relentlessly by 102.9 and various car commercials. "Baba O'Reily" (also known to everyone as "Teenage Waistland"), "Won't get Fooled Again", "Behind Blue Eye", and "Goin Mobile" are definitely overplayed and have ruined the one song I like the most, "My Wife".

Being highly inspired, I grabbed my axe and jotted down some hard and heavy, I don't remember exactly but I think it was in C. My fingers were flying tonight, I think I am steadily improving again. Practice makes better and better. I must of played for over an hour before my dog started freaking out and forcing me to play with her.

Sofee likes to play tug and throw, but only for so long and pretty soon I was left retrieving that rope-toy thing myself. Bummer. What else was there to do but start reading The Lord of The Rings. Forced by boredom, I grabbed that book from the shelf and proceeded to read about thirty pages of "The Two Towers". I have read The Hobbit and The Fellowship a few years before in 2001. I know this because there was a coupon for razors left as the bookmark. It expired in 2001.

And here I am telling everyone about my night. It was a good one, a great one, and now I get to go sleep next my lovely Rachelle. I can't wait anymore.

Goodnight

Sorry for the delay

Hey everyone...
Sorry about the lack of posts as of late. I have been a busy man living in the real world, exchanging my down time for a little extra on the next paycheck. Guess you gotta do what you gotta do. Its not all that bad and even seems to get fun every once in awhile.

Ill try to get more blogs out this week, but I can make no promises.


Let's all try to have a great week!

Hmmmm......?????

It is said that, on his deathbed, Albert Einstein said something along the lines of "In the final analysis, it all comes down to one question...is the universe a friendly place? Your answer will determine the kind of life you lead."

Is the universe a friendly place? I would have to say no, the universe is not a friendly place. It is a cold, random, void that lacks any type of compassion for our incredibly lucky existence. The thought of the universe being friendly implies some sort of consciousness, a determined act to watch out for us or itself, and that goes directly against the purely mathematical, harsh world in which we live. It is sad to admit this.


Randomness

I don't think we appreciate what a random event really is. Lets say we draw playing cards, one card out of 52. If the cards were shuffled properly, we would have a 1 in 52 chance of drawing any card. This is easy to understand because of the low number of cards. Now how many chances would there be in the universe...an infinite or a huge number? What are the chances that the big bang assembled all the atoms in just the correct manner that they are what they are today. You would think it would be 100%, but that is not true, it only seems that way because it is all we can comprehend. Astrophysics says the big bang could have assembled atoms and atomic forces in any way possible, and the fact that it did it the way it did makes our universe a one in an infinite shot.

To understand this, you have to know that if for some reason gravity was 0.00000001 percent stronger, we would not be here because all the matter in the universe would collapse back on itself. If it were that same number weaker, we would not be here because matter would not be attracted to itself in the same way and therefore would not allow for the formation of stars or plantets. This illustration holds true not only for gravity, but strong and weak nuclear forces (the force that keeps neutrons and protons together in the nucleus of an atom), and electromagnetism (allows for chemical reactions). If any factor was off by even the slightest fraction, existence would not exist.

Okay, so its amazing the universe turned out the way it did, but how does that have a direct impact on US? We are made of atoms too, the same atoms that make everything. Somehow these atoms assemble into molecules and those molecules into other structures like amino acids and DNA and such, and no one really knows why or how. Sure, they understand chemical forces, but don't know why those forces are there keeping strand after strand of DNA functional and capable of transcribing messages to RNA and therefore turning those messages into proteins. Also for some reason unknown to anyone, these proteins have four structures. First they bind to themselves, then to other proteins and continue to rap around themselves until they are a giant bundle of perfection. There may be over a million completely different but needed protein structures, but again no one is sure yet.

Anyway, as you can see, there is a very tiny amount of all this that could be called random in the true sense of the word. It is true it did not start like this but took billions of years and trillions of tries to get it right through evolution. Over and over again life lived, took on new shapes and persisted despite great odds and as far as we know us humans have become the pinnacle existence in an unfathomable universe.

So, is the universe a friendly place...I almost want to change my answer to yes, at least I hope it is. Somehow through vast chance everything lined up for billions and billions of years to allow us to exist. It drives me crazy. Why...why did carbon form within 6 microseconds after the big bang to set its molecular weight at 12? Why is the earth the perfect distance from the sun to allow liquid water? Why were all the elements that were needed to form an atmosphere already here before us, creating a electromagnet forcefield from the sun? Why did that asteroid hit Earth, killing all the dinosaurs and allowing for mammals to thrive and why did the changing weather patterns turn the jungles in Africa into deserts which forced the apes out of the trees and eventually leading to YOU. AHHHHH, its freakin crazy. Crazy like it wants life to happen, over and over again. So, even if the universe is not friendly it is at least accommodating...and I think I can live with that.

Dr. Jim

Dr. Jim says...

Don't forget to drink lots and lots of water on hot days like these.
If you have pets, make sure they too have plenty to drink.
Keep it healthy, keep it safe, and have a GREAT week!

Duba vs The Demented Mangled Troll Part 1

You remember Duba... the man, the myth, the legend. He is the only one willing to challenge Gravi T and the other inanimate objects. The holder of the New Jersey record for the shortest discus throw and master of carnival rides. He would have helped me battle the Red Barron if he wasn't retardedly preoccupied. He was robbed of the Oscar for his performance of "Portrait of a Serial Killer" and beat his arch rival Jim Duda in a battle to the death, all in one day. He participated in the Greatest Eating Contest of the New Millennium in the year 2000 in which he defeated the infamous Foxy from Delaware (don't trust anyone from Delaware...they are all evil).

Duba wasn't always so busy solving the world's plain boredom problem. In fact he used to spend most of his time searching for the troll who lives under that one lane bridge in Cinnaminson. The bridge, for some unknown reason, is only wide enough to allow one car to pass at a time. This, in conjunction with the fact that even the tiniest bit of rain causes the road around the bridge to flood, causes a traffic jam anytime two cars want to pass at the same time. Both sides of the bridge have yield signs making both cars stop and stare at the other and once the other side starts going you have to sit there until the cars stop coming. This may be several minutes due to the large volume of cars from Rte 73.

I was sitting in one of these traffic jams one day patiently awaiting my turn to cross the bridge. Like I always do around there, I was scanning the top of the lake for box turtles. I like to count how many turtles I can see. I like turtles. I always wished I would see several turtles stacked on top of each other like a Dr. Seuse story. As I got closer to the bridge I noticed something strange...a whole group of turtles sitting together on the dry land that leads down to the lake. I know enough about reptiles to know that turtles are not pack animals, despite the obvious observation that several turtles many sun bathe on the same log or large rock. This sparked my interest, but just as I was getting close enough to take a better look it became my turn to cross the bridge and head over to Rte 73. I just couldn't understand why an entire group of box turtles would be sitting together about 10 feet from the water. It made no sense.

That night I went back to examine the situation. I had to know for my own piece of mind. I was 99% expecting to find nothing, but I still hoped to find something. There was no way those turtles would still be there sitting on the side of that lake. I parked my car by that little vegetable stand next to Memorial Park and started to walk over to the lake determined to solve this mystery.

Being careful not to be hit by any cars crossing the one lane bridge, I hustled down the road but could not see anything. It was starting to get dark and the lightening bugs where beginning to come out. The early dusk surrounded me and caused an erie feeling in my bones. Maybe it was the light mist that rolled up from the lake, or maybe it was just me being a wuss, but I was slightly frightened. I pushed on, over the bridge and down the embankment to where the turtles certainly would not be. My eyes grew accustom to the increasing darkness, allowing me to see that the turtles were still there. They were all sitting in a pile and right away I knew something was up. I increased my speed to a slow jog despite being absolutely freaked out. Much to my dislike I found about 20 empty turtle shells randomly piled. There were more in the weeds lining the lake. The shells were all busted up at one end (I could not tell if it was the head side or the tail side). It looked like something had eaten all these turtles, sucked them right out of their shells like I would eat an oyster. I had no idea what could do this. I thought, "are there wolfs in Cinnaminson or can raccoons eat this many turtles?" I could think of only one man who may know, only one environmental scientist who would have the insight into predatory creatures in New Jersey, only one person to care about stupid turtles...





DUBA

Good Morning Everyone

I'm tired and have nothing to write about. If you are one of those people who check this blog every so often, I am sorry for not making any good posts lately. I have been busy working two jobs, 12 hours a day plus 5 on Saturdays. Evan once said that same thing I think...something like "the more I do, the less I have to write about." I suppose I could deem myself a writer and use that as my excuse to not work so much. I also suppose I could deem myself a transcendentalists and forget about the whole thing.


On a different note, whoever this Anonymous person is, writing derogatory statements about Rachelle, I do not appreciate it and I ask that you no longer read my blog. Due to your actions, I now consider you in the group of worst people...those who rip and undermine while hiding under the safety of remaining nameless. I know I cannot stop you from reading my blog, but please know that, whoever you are, I will be forever thinking of how I don't want to know you and don't want you commenting on this page. Please stop.

Reminder

This is only a reminder to myself of the books I want to have. I like to own the books I have read, but many times I loan the book out, never to be seen again.

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenence
We
Damien
Things Fall Apart
Rich Dad Poor Dad
The Te of Piglet
Molecules of Emotion
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy


That's all I can think of right now. I know there must be more and I'll be sure to list them when I think of them.

Books I want to read:
Fight Club
Farenheight 451
Catch 22
Autobiography of Ghandi
2001: A Space Oddysee

Jesus Christ Super Star

I'm going to do it...I am going to admit, right here and now, that Jesus Christ Super Star is my second favorite record. Whew, glad I got that off my chest. You see, you can't just go up to people and say, "Hey man, doesn't Super Star FREAKIN' ROCK" the same way you could ask the same question with, say, Zeppelin or The Bealtes. First of all, most people think you're going to start preaching Christianity, which as far as religion goes, has little do to with Andrew Lloyd Webber's opera. Second, most think it is strange to rock out to a musical, and third, the majority of people out there just suck in general and can't appreciate a great riff driven ballad when they hear it.

Jesus Christ Super Star is a rock musical opera masterpiece based on the biblical accounts of the last days of Jesus. On the vinyl recordings from the '70s, Jesus is played by Ian Gillan of Deep Purple (think "Smoke on the Water"). He has a very wide vocal range and is able to hit those loud screetches that make it sound like he is really being tormented. As the story goes, Judas Iscariot betrays Jesus by handing him over to the Roman guards. Jesus is drug to see a King Herod, who think this problem is not under his jurisdiction, and sends him to Pontius Pilate. You know the rest. Pretty ordinary, almost like church, except every incident is a song. Its hard to describe without hearing it, but I can think of nothing, not even Tommy (The Who) that rocks so hard while telling a great story. Jesus being betrayed and crucified is epic on its own, but when backed with electric guitars and tambourines, the story becomes just about the best thing ever.

Unfortunately, "Hosanna" skips pretty bad, and the second record is warped to the point that I can't believe it still works. But it does, and that makes me happy.

Washing Dishes

I've been washing a lot of dishes lately. Rachelle usually gets home before me and make dinner (she is the best cook EVER...we've had stuffed peppers, pesto pizza, baked chicken, garden burgers, and so much more), so naturally I feel obliged to wash the dishes. I think this is one of the worst chores, especially when there is a pile of dirty dishes and you have no dish washer.

My only weapon is a sponge, and though one side is brilloish, it still leaves me with a feeling of helplessness. I like to soak everything as much as possible, therefore I will let the hot water run over everything and try to get all surfaces covered with water to start the soaking process. The smart thing to do would be to wash all the knifes first as to avoid cutting myself when I reach down to grab something. Unfortunately, I don't do this because I like to space out washing the silverware over the course of cleaning to break up the dish/cup monotony.

I always start with the biggest thing in the sink such as colanders, large pots, or the popcorn bowl. This leaves me with more room to maneuver the plates. If the largest thing in the sink is super dirty, my general rule is leave it in there to soak while letting all the suds of other dishes wash away some of the dirt at the pace a river washes away a mountain.

I then move on to the plates because they are the easiest and by this time I am slightly tired from washing the big pots. I deserve the break. The plates are considered my friends, I enjoy washing them and I like to feel they enjoy and appreciate my efforts. Plates also fit perfectly into the dish dryer rack thing so they take up little room over there.

From here I tackle the glasses and cups. I make it a judgment call and grab what appears to be the cleanest cup, glass, or mug and go from there. Using the spongy part of the sponge I make a ring around the edge where mouths would go then jam the sponge as far down into the drinking utensil as possible. The problem with that is I have big hand, so sometimes the bottom of the cup does not get cleaned. Sometimes, depending on the severity of the situation, I will grab a butter knife and use it to force the sponge down in there, but sometimes I just leave it. Glasses don't really fit into the rack so well, but I jam them in and hope for the best.

Bowls come next. Bowls are fairly simple like plates, and after the strain of cups, I need another break. Bowls also usually contain the messier of the food product, so are usually harder to clean. They also don't fit so well on the rack but due to their convexity can safely sit on top of a glass.

As I stated earlier, forks, knifes, and spoons are intermingled with the other dishes. I like to throw a few in here and there just to break up the monotinity. I find that washing two or three utensils, never more, works well and saves you the time of continually reaching down for another.

Things I leave for absolutely last include the spatula if it was used to scramble eggs, the black pan if it was used fry eggs, and anything that has egg on it. I also refuse to wash anything that comes from my brother's room because the food is so old it sticks to the plate and is disgusting.

So that's how I wash dishes, in case you were wondering.

Prince

You don't have to be rich to be my girl
You don't have to be cool to rule my word
Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with
I just want your extra time and your
Kiss

MOOOOOOO

Soccer

I am your average American. I grew up playing football, cheered for the Eagles (and Jets for a while), and thought that soccer was just a game that scrawny little kids who could not bear the weight of shoulder pads and a helmet played by default. Being from Cinnaminson, there was always plenty of soccer around, and I think it was pretty big. The thing is I did not dislike the sport, nor did I like...I guess I just never really considered it much. I cannot remember playing soccer in gym class, only month after month of volleyball, and I definitely never played any pickup soccer in the park or any number of back yards we would inhabit. Point being, I don't get it. I don't understand the sport because I know nothing about it.

This year I watched the World Cup, the first soccer game I have ever watched all the way through. I cheered for the Netherlands and Ghana and booed America (I love that a country the size of one of our smaller states and a population of a fraction of ours can beat us...not to mention being in extreme poverty). I watched, I asked questions...I can honestly say I approached it with an open mind...and I thought it was totally lame!

Sure, the exciting shots and goals are really awesome, especially to see someone jump in the air on a corner kick (looking at me using soccer vocab..GO ME) and smash the ball in, but that is all. I timed how long it was between shots and it was like 15 minutes...boring. Why are you kicking the ball backwards, it bores me and you're never going to score that way, unless it is on your own goal.

I did not understand stoppage time. I was like, "why do they get a random amount of time at the end of each half", and "why is the clock still running even though that dude is flopping around in pain on the ground." Then I put the two together and understood. Fine, instead of stopping the clock you just keep track and play longer. The problem with this is players were faking injuries just to get more time. On many occasions it was obvious a player would not even be touched and tumbel to the ground. TOTALLY LAME.

I still don't understand the offside rule. I know it is meant to stop cherry pickers, but it looked like the defense would run up the field just to catch a player offsides. It seems like the game would be a lot more exciting if there were no offsides rule.

Finally, the shoot off. Are they serious? I can appreciate that soccer is a game of skill and stategie, despite the downfalls I spoke of earlier. This being so, it seems really wrong to decide the game in a completely different manner of a point blank shot with no one defending you. So you play your heart out for two hours only to end up in a tie. Well keep playing because that is your sport and that is how it is played. This kid told me you have a 97% chance of making your shot on the extra kick. I don't know if that is true, but it really ruins the games...really.

So that is what I think of soccer...a weak "ehhh", take it or leave it. I cannot get excited for a 0-0 tie like I think Mexico did, and because a game can end 0-0 sometimes, then be decided by extra kicks in the end, it seems soccer is a flawed sport, and possibly fatally flawed for me.

O H I O

This is my post about Ohio, the state that blew the election, the state that isn't quite Midwestern and definitely not Eastern, the state where I spent all of last weekend. Rachelle and I drove across endless Pennsylvania on Thursday night so that we could have plenty of time to get ready for a wedding on Friday. I don't know why they had their special day on a Friday, but it was a blast. The ceremony was held outside just beside a pristine lake, a string quartet played my favorite Bach song, Jesu, Joy of Man's Desire, and the weather was perfect. About 20 yards past the gazebo, two people were in a boat fishing. We all thought, "for sure they will move when the wedding starts", but no, they stayed right where they were. Just as the bride began her ascent up the aisle, those two morons caught a pretty big fish and start waving their lines in the air trying to get the fish off the hook. It was one of those moments that makes you wonder how some people haven't killed themselves with indoor ovens or metal in microwaves or little plastic lighters.

The reception was right next to the lake also, and was indeed a great time. I drank around a dozen Baccardi and Cokes, Rachelle was beautiful, and I danced the drunk fool's dance. When the party was over we went out in Kent, Ohio...kind of a crap hole to be honest.

The rest of the weekend was just as good, ate some tasty steaks and drank some tasty beers. Ohio, you truly out did yourself this time, nicely done.

New Jersey is for Morons

That should be our motto, "New Jersey is for Morons". I must be a moron for wanting to move back to the area where I grew up. Do you smell that, that stink, yup its New Jersey and it reeks. Too many times I feel like I'm on a packed subway car, contorting my muscles to try and avoid any human contact even though I know know the impossibility of that act. I try not to make eye contact, but only because everyone else is staring into space or admiring the craphole where they sit. Yes, New Jersey is rotten and becoming more and more like Long Island everyday.

The state is in a deadlock over money. From what I gather, they have spent themselves into a giant hole and now want everyone else to pay for it. Where did the money go? We already have the highest sales tax and I know the casinos contribute over $2 million every day. Somebody told me we also have the highest property tax, but I don't know that for sure. So where is all this money, for real, SOMEBODY AUDIT THE STATE, AUDIT EVERY PERSON WHO WORKS FOR THE STATE. Find the money or find where they are blowing all the money. STOP BEING FREAKIN MORONS WHO ONLY CARE ABOUT BEING REELECTED.

You're making Montana look better every day, and I am a man who does not care for mountains.

On Writing

I'm really into this blog thing, and that's funny for me cause I don't usually dig technology all that much. Before I had this blog I thought writing would be boring and tedious. Prose never came easy to me, but I would never complain about that because a lot of other things did. I think the most discouraging thing in my writing life happened my senior year of high school when Mrs. Sanmartino gave me a "C" on my paper about revolts and revolutions. We were to do the standard two page essay on a revolt or revolution, hand written during class with proper margins and indents and all that jazz. To this day I don't know why, but I wrote my paper about Star Wars and how the Jedi were staging a revolution against the evil Empire. I thought it was half way decent, the teacher did not. With that stupid red pencil, she made it clear to me that my paper was not funny and such essays should not be written about fictional accounts. Hmmm, I must have missed that part of the directions. I can still recall the last line of my paper, "In the end the Empire was defeated by Jedi rebellion and everything was OK", to which she replied,"Do not use OK in a paper, and if you do, it is okay, not OK". Oppps. Looking back on it I probably deserved worse that a C. I really like Mrs. Sanmartino, she was kick ass. She had us read books like "On the Road", "1984", "Animal Farm", "A day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich", "One Flew Over the Cookoo's Nest", and others. Looking back on it, those were some heavy books to be reading in a public high school. We also swore she snuck out of the room to get high...like I said, she was kick ass.

As I started, I like this blog thing and I like writing. I know I have terrible grammar, I can't spell, and I don't know the parts of speech. I stink at punctuation, leave misplaced modifiers all over, and use to many adverbs. So, just like everything else in life, I'm trying to get better. That's why I bought Stephen King's "On Writing".
The book starts out with King describing his life and how he came to be a writer. No other writer is as fluent as Stephen King, meaning one can fly through his books with no problem, almost like someone is speaking right to you. He tells how he was a struggling writer, working in a laudromat trying to support his wife and kid. Just when things were getting terrible, someone bought "Carrie" for $400,000, and that was that.
The "On Writing" part is all prose about how to make interesting sentences, why grammar is important, how to write dialogue, and so forth. He also suggests ideas such as how long to write in each session, where to do it, how to proof read, and even how to get published. King suggests that if you want to be a good writer, you must read and write for a total or 6-8 hours per day and you must like doing this, not force yourself. If anyone is interested in Stephen King or how one of the most read authors of our time thinks, pick up this book. Its an easy read and worth the time.

Noah's Ark

Bible scientists have released information stating they have found the relics of what appears to be a large boat on top of a mountain in Iran. While there is not a lot of other information at this time, it is safe to say this discovery will open up debate on both sides of the religious world. Christian scientists want to try and identify the type of wood this air craft size heap of mystery is made of, and if successful, say they can prove the Noah story true, and thus prove God's existence. Here is the story.

Personally, I doubt this thing is a boat. Its just not reasonable. There is no evidence of a major flood ever happening and stories such as Noah taking God's advice to save all His creatures placed upon the earth are seen in many civilizations throughout the globe. Despite what Christians think, they are not original. Also, there is no way two of every animal could be found and loaded into an ark. Okay, maybe there was a few camels, monkeys, cobras, and birds but didn't they live in a desert? Where did all the other animals come from? How could you store enough food and fresh water to nourish all the creatures? It just sounds plain stupid.

But what if it wasn't. What if they dig into this heap of cinder and find the skeletons of koalas and American bison. I can picture one of those Christian scientists standing there, triumphantly holding the femur of a polar bear over his head, the look of "I TOLD you so" in his eyes. How could anyone argue evidence of a complete menagerie, unless you think they planted them to further there cause. It would change the way the world views religion because if one crazy sounding bible story was correct, why couldn't the rest be true too. Maybe the earth IS only 10,000 years old and God made it all and put every species of animal on the earth just as we see them today.

We listen to scientists, but who really understands all that stuff they throw at us? Maybe they are making it all up, giving fancy sounding names to a series of fake tests to make the rest of us seem dumb. I'm guilty of it too, but so many people allow science to spoon feed us information without questioning any validity. We read some article about science and just accept it as truth because to be honest, an answer we don't understand is still better than an answer we don't have. I say this because it is the same sin those who follow religion fall victim to. They have questions about life, deep questions, questions they probably struggled with for years only to realize they themselves could find no answers. This lead to, "Hey look, that guy in the robe sitting in the fancy looking church, he has a following of happy people signing joyous songs, maybe he has the answers to my questions." Doesn't that sound the same as "Hey look, that guy with the lab jacket on, sitting in the expensive looking office, he has a lot of books, books with math equations that exceeds my college calc classes. He has a following of post docs who are attempting to understand what he understands. He has written multiple research papers that only five people in the world can make sense of. He must be smart. He must have the answers to my questions."

So who do you listen to? Obviously no one can know everything, therefore we must listen to others to survive and flourish. I think we just need to be more judicial when reading about science and not pretend like we know what's going on, cause we don't. I don't understand the math of string theory, nor could I do advanced Mendelian calculations. I accept certain things like gravity and light without understand them at that gut level necessary to stop asking questions, and if I do that, why shouldn't I just blindly accept a hunk of decaying wood sitting on a mountain in the Middle East. At least I really understand the terms "boats", "wood", and "mountain".

Post about the Phillies

Evan, you want a post about our lowly Phillies, I shall give you a post about the worst thing ever. In the category of worst things, the group of "sports teams" is not even enough to properly describe the Phils, and the term "ever" describes the entire history of time starting at the big bang and includes every moment up to now. Things like World War II, disco, and that asteroid that killed all the dinosaurs would all fall behind the Phillies on this list or worsts. Not only do they suck, but they just seem like a bunch of stuck up brats who care about winning as much as I care about American Idol.

The Phillies are the reason the Ancient Egyptians invented the negative sign. This advanced civilization used their pyramids and the orbit of the earth around the sun to predict how stupid the Philadelphia Phillies would be, but at that time they had no way to express something less than zero. After much thinking, they came up with "-" negative so that they could say
The Phillies= -156,432,879 (Egyptians were really into math).

As Evan has said before, the reason this team is so great at pissing people off is because they get your hopes all up EVERY SINGLE YEAR only to end up sucking. And man do they suck. I don't watch a lot of other baseball, so I don't know if this is true, but it seems the job a bullpen is to finish the game and perserve a lead. The Phillies' bullpen blows every game. How is it a starting pitcher can give up, say, three hits in three innings, but a bullpen guy always surrenders like five in one inning. This always seems to happen.

As I said before, one of the many reason I'm starting to hate the Phillies is because they just seem like a bunch of jerks. Brett Myers beat his wife on a street corner. That sucks for his wife, but it sucks for me too cause now I have to listen to some bean eating Boston dude talk about how unclassy Philadelphians are in some retarded accent that sounds like he had a stroke seven years ago and now it has progressed to the point this dude only has four brain cells left, none of those controlling his speech. Hey Bret...we know you are "an angry man" by the way you stomp around the mound with those "angry eyes" everytime you screw up...we know, we get it, you are an old boxer and you are mean and tough. Good for you dude, now trying acting like a civilized ape, cause I doubt you'll ever reach the human level.

I saw Pat Burrell standing on a street corner in Philadelphia about one month ago. He was just standing there looking like he thought he was important so I walked past him, turned around, and kicked him in the back of his calf. I said, "Take that Pat Burrell, that kick to the calf is for your continued and relentless sucking, I hate you."

Is Dave Bell really a professional baseball player? I mean, could it be possible he once saw Mike Schmidt kill someone and promised not to say anything if they let him play third base? I bet he was a plumber who won some sort of contest and now tortures the rest of us by watching him bat. Anyway, he is the worst. He makes me want to stick a ball point pen through my retina.

mike lieberthal, ahhh, mike lieberthal. you are not even worth the extra effort it takes me to hold down the shift key to capitalize your name, you are not even a proper noun. For real, is this the best catcher they can find? I don't understand, I don't see how a team can continue to keep players after continued suckiness. The Eagle would not do that, The Eagle would boot your ass in that situation. Then Brian Dawkins would rip your pancreas out from behind your ribs, rip it in half, throw it on the ground only to end with the double bicep flex. He would then proceed to tell us how Jesus loves us, then Jesus and Brian would do super bicep flexes to intimadate all us sinners. Man, he is bad ass. Sooooo, on to the Birds.

Say it with me now E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!!!

Got a new job

I started working Tuesday and Thursday mornings for another chiropractic office up in Hamilton Township. My original goal was to spend those days doing paper work and finishing up any unfinished jobs that I could not get done during my busy office hours. Yeah, that was the plan, but I'm not that busy, so I was doing nothing then complaining about it, which is the worst thing a person can do...nothing, then complain about it.

The new job is cool, at least its busy. A good week for me in my office would be about 25 visits for the entire week. This morning, between 8 and 1, I saw 38. It's a mill, but they do a lot of rehab stuff, which I love, and people seem to get better. A typical patient gets about 15 minutes of electric stim with a hot pack, then gets adjusted and sent out to the gym part to do their exercises. If nothing else good comes from this situation, I am learning how little one can do and get away with it.

Sooooooo, thats what I'm doing.

Energy as Mass

E=MCsquared is the equation Einstein figured out, obviously. But what does it mean and how did he figure this out. From what I understand in my totally limited knowledge is that this equation states that mass and energy are the samed thing, only mass is 89,875,517,873,681,764 (the speed of light squared) times larger than an equal amount of energy. WHAT!!! That's crazy! So this stapeler sitting on my desk is just a lot of energy!?! And apparently if I could get the energy out of this stapeler, it would be so much energy that it would be like a huge bomb. It's hard to grasp, I mean, okay I understand what it is saying, but its rediculous.

So...we are nothing but energy and energy is the same as us.

Awesome!

HEEEEEEERRRRREEEE's SOFEEEEEEE

Here are some pictures of our dog Sofee. She is crazy. She is always eating things she shouldn't be, but at least she stopped pooping on the floor. The other night she freaked out and did like 200 laps around my house, FULL SPEED. At first we were concerned she was going to bang her head into the wall, but she never did. Now that I have a dog, I think my life would be not as fullfilling without one. Sofee, if you read this, you are a great dog and friend.

The World's Biggest Bush

I've heard recent rumors of the world's second largest bush being in North Carolina. No one can be sure if this is truly the second biggest bush in the world, seeing as how there are large amounts of forests and woods and rich people planting shrubery. We do know, however, that the world's biggest bush is located in Cinnaminson, New Jersey, across the street from Wood Park's tennis courts.

This particular bush was used by early Swedish settlers to hang their laundry on to dry. If you didn't know, the Swedes have a different way to clean their clothes, which involves soaking the terry cloth like material for hours, then allowing them to drip dry over tress and bushes. It was all the excess drippage that supplied "THE BUSH" with a constant supply of water.

What you may not have know is that before the Swedish immigrants even came to America, THE BUSH was planted by the Lenapee tribe of Native Americans on what was called a "Notackatee". A notackatee is a mound of earth which is built up by shellfish shells. The Lenapee would make trips down to the ocean, gather the crustaceans, and take then back to their tribe where Cinnaminson is now. Once they schucked all the clams and oysters, they would bury the shells for sanitary reason, then plant a bush on top of that to remind them not to dig there. This provided the perfect habitat for THE BUSH, supplying the baby plant with tons of nutrients.

Over centuries THE BUSH grew and grew. It was protected by apple orchards from about 1785 to 1993, at which point the apple tress were removed to build a high end, cookie cutter community known as "Poet's Walk". Generations of Cinnaminson teens would bring couches and kegs and girlfriends and boyfriends to sit under THE BUSH due to the fact that it offered ample protection from parents and cops.

Today, THE BUSH still stands and is now surrounded by a small park to demonstrate the emotion of having "the world's something or other". Though there is no sign within the park telling the world about THE BUSH's accolades, The Gusiness Book of World Records proves that other bushes should bow down to The World's Biggest Bush.

Angels and Demons

I just finished reading Angels and Demons, here are my thoughts:

I was holding off reading a Dan Brown book until after "The DiVinci Code Fad" was over, but based on Rachelle and Tim Bietz's suggestions, I folded and gave it a read.

I was super excited when I found particle physics lining the first part of the book, yes, I am a nerd. Even the mention of electron accelerators gets my heart pumping, and I am disappointed the science talk ended so soon.

I still don't really understand how the gathering of antimatter proves God's existence. Yeah, something from nothing could be God, or it could be something else, it is illogical, but worked real well for the book. I wish their was more of a focus on that.

I loved the symbols printed in big black letters to show us...very creative. However, I could not help but look at them before it was time, so I knew the priest were dead because I could see the symbol in the corner of my eye. I guess this was unavoidable though.

I feel satisfied with this book, meaning I don't really have a desire to read The DiVinci Code. I'm sure I will someday, but if they really are as similar as everyone says, why not give some time for this book to escape consciousness.

Did not see the ending coming...nicely played Dan Brown.

For some reason, I had a hard time picturing all those churches and especially the holy library. I don't know if this is due to a lack of imagination or poor descriptions.

Man, are all those statues and things real? I mean, I have heard of some of them, but I feel like Dan Brown did such a great job with the clues and all that it seems it is real history, not just a story. Was there really a group called the Illuminati? Does the Vatican really have all those treasures and secret passageways? I hope so.

Overall, I really enjoyed the book. Now back to The Red Badge of Courage, of which I stopped half way through to read this (which I hate doing). Oh Steven Crane, your godless pacifism ROCKS MY FREAKIN WORLD!

YouTube

I've been checking out YouTube a lot lately. Found some pretty funny stuff for you to check out on this long, sleepy hump day.

Enjoy

George Bush as a Jedi







Kitten falling asleep








Seth MacFarlane giving a speech at Harvard

I'm on to you Adam Sandler

I saw a preview for the new Adam Sandler movie "Click" the other day, and it seemed somewhat familiar, stupid, but familiar. From what I gathered from the preview, somehow Sandler's character has a remote control that can speed up or slow down time. I swore I have seen a movie just like this but I could not place it...where have I seen this before?

Oh, thats right, it was a DuckTales episode. I remember...Gyro made a watch that could speed up and slow down time, much to the liking of Uncle Scrooge and his three nephews (Hewey, Dewey, and Lewey?) I think the Beagle Boys steal the watch and wackiness follows, but I'm sure the problem was resolved in the end. The episode was called "Time Teasers", and like all DuckTales episodes, was awsome. (by the way, the DuckTales video game was also great, and is the first game I remember having difficulty settings)

So Adam Sandler, now your stealing ideas from Disney, you unorigional fraud. But then I thought something else seemed a little out of place. I am sure the idea of time warping has been around for all of human imagination, but I thought I had seen this concept somewhere else too.

Oh, thats right, "Out of Control" with Dave Coulier. He had some sort of lever that could speed up time, and kids would write in and ask him to speed up their chores. Dave would pull the lever and we would see some kid getting his hair cut or cleaning his room in super fast speed with super fast music. Man, that was histerical! I wish I had a time faster upper lever.


I think I am going to make a movie, and instead of a remote control, watch, or lever, I am going to have a special magical carthat can speed up and slow down using the accelarator and brake, and I can fly through time or make everything around me go really slow. I'll call the movie "Hey Adam Sandler, YOU SUCK and I have a time car".



Man, I watched a lot of television as a kid.

Do the Evolution

Is there nothing Alec Baldwin doesn't know? He was the host of The Discovery Channels "Walking with the Cavemen" show that I watched last night. If you ever get a change, watch it, it is high quality education. It starts with apes and goes to humans, telling us how different branches of human-like beings evolved and eventually died off leaving only us. The big difference...the ability to think, and according to the show it was our species' ability to make art and develop communities that allowed our brains to grow to where we are now.

An interesting fact from the show... the species Homo ergaster was the first to take a stone and chip parts of it away to form a stone axe to use as a weapon. Over a million years this tool did not change, this species' technology did not progress, and eventually they died off. In less than 100 years we went from the first airplane to the first spaceship, in less than ten years we progressed from libraries to the internet. Our adaptability is apparently limitless*.

The thing that made Homo sapien special was its ability to reason and think about consequences. They would put water in ostrich eggs, fill the tiny whole with straw, and bury the egg in dirt with the straw showing so that it could be found later. They knew the pain thirst could bring, and they planned for it.


*On a side note, I read an interesting article in NewScientist last month on how human imagination may not really be limitless. The author (I forget his name) made a point that a cat will never know astrophysics no matter how hard you try to teach it. A cat's brain is just not that developed. Our brains are developed, but that doesn't mean it is limitless. There may be things that no one has ever even imagined, things that are real but beyond humans' capacity to understand, and the crazy thing is we will never know if this is true.

Rainy Day

XPN is doing their fund drive = a lot less music to listen to.
Its raining outside = Can't go for my daily walk with my dog.
Only two patients this morning = a long boring day.
Insurance companies are the worst = can't get paid.
All of the above = miserability

Yes, miserability... the ability to be miserable on losey days, but not depressed for any reason. We all possess it, some more than others. I am usually not miseralbe, but its hard not to be on a day like today.

I wonder what is going on in Hawaii right now. There are probably people surfing, sun bathing, fishing, snorkeling, napping. I bet its fun. I bet there is a lot less miserability out there, maybe not. People seem to invent new ways to be miserable when things are going good.

Going to Mason Jennings Friday night...that will decrease the miserability factor.

Maybe I'll take Marge Simpson's advice and just smile. No matter what you just smile to fool people. Good advice Mrs. Simpson.

6 6 06 Sign of the Beast

Check this shit out: http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0606/666.html

If you don't go, here are some of the things this church recommends:

If the 06-06-06 date can not be avoided, make sure that the child is kept in a chicken cage on the hospital floor, and that there are at least two full grown hogs within four feet of the cage at all times. As a Bible believing Christian, you know that demons and pigs act like the two sides of Velcro when they are around each other (Mark 5:12-13), so keeping them by your newborn's side acts as a Godly safety net. If one of the hogs starts grinning and snorting, prancing about, or just plain acting full of the Devil's business by emptying its bowels all over the hospital floor, get it out to a lake and drown it as soon as humanly possible. And you don't have to be a Christ-killing Jew to know this: Goodness gracious, don't eat the bacon!

Make sure you check under your child's testicles for any peculiar markings. For it is not upon the head (as the hell bound Catholics incorrectly believe and, by all other indications, should be the last ones to be wrong in this regard), but rather hidden in the rough skin on the nape under a newborn's tiny tallywhacker, or slightly inside the anal cavity that one should be looking for any signs of the Evil One. Creation Scientists have observed that the so-called "taint" (the disagreeable area between the genitals and the anus) is where demons are most likely to post messages for each other.

Place your child in the care of our Creation Scientists for a period of 10-days. During this period, they will perform a Bible Crawl and conduct Creation Science Experiments on your newborn to determine if it needs to be shipped off the Landover Baptist Home for the Demonically Possessed in North Dakota. The shipping charges and five years of care costs will be billed monthly to the same credit card account you use when you drop your child off with us.


Is this for real, I can't decide. It seems so over the top that it must be fake, but if you go to the website and search around, they seem pretty serious. Let me know what you think.

God save us.

Travels with Charley

I just finished the Steinbeck book "Travels with Charley" and found it to be a very enjoyable, easy read. Steinbeck had won fame and some fortune after receiving the Nobel Prize in literature, but like many men of distinction found it hard to settle. While not enjoying his retirement, Steinbeck decided to set out across America to rediscover the country which had supplied him with the backbone of his writings. I suppose that, even after years of studying Americans, he did not understand all he had composed and questioned what makes one citizen the same or different than the next. He has a special "house" built on the back of a truck, and with the help of his poodle Charley, embarks on his quest.
Steinbeck is as insightful and articulate in this non-fictitious book as he is in his more famous works, such as The Grapes of Wrath and Of Mice and Men. He is a great "describer of things" including trees, states, and people, and is always questioning and willing to look at both sides. His journey takes him out to California where he encounters some of the same characters from his other book Cannery Row, and gives a great soliloquy about how "you can never go home again". He makes his way down into Texas, which is "both a state and a state of mind" and over to New Orleans to witness segregation in action.
Through it all, Steinbeck draws few conclusions and seems to have gathered more questions about America than he can bother to deal with. Eventually he makes his way up through New Jersey and back to Long Island where the book comes to a sudden halt. The book is thought provoking, funny, and easy (compared with Grapes) and would be highly recommended by The Garden.

Late Night Surprise

Thursday night I barely slept. With no air conditioning, my girlfriend tossing and turning next to me, and continued passing of cars on the street, I had little hope of rest. I am terrible with out sleep, though I am not grumpy I have a hard time doing things without my standard eight hours. Even through all the commotion, I think I passed out around 3 AM only to be woken at 4 AM by an index finger poking me in the ribs and a voice saying "Jim, I think Sofee's nail is caught in the blanket". I was like "Huh?", then heard my puppy crying in her crate. This is the first time Sofee has gotten me out of bed in quite some time. She usually gets up around six, regretfully, takes her time to do her daily stretch routine, walks to the end of the stairs and lies down as if to say "my life is so hard". Eventually, and after much coaxing, she comes to the kitchen so that I can put her leash on and take her out to pee.
Well, I don't know what got into her that night, maybe it was the thunder, but she was crying like she was hurt. I got out of bed still 7/8 asleep, opened her cage to see what was wrong, and before I could bend over to look, Sofee jets out of the cage. She runs right to the bed, across Rachelle's head and starts peeing right where I sleep, right on the bed.
This quickly woke Rachelle up as hot dog urine should. I run across the room, grab the dog, and hold her at arm's length. Now only 3/8 sleeping, I began frantically looking for pants so I can take Sofee out to complete her mistake. Rachelle is trying to clean up the mess, but she was still 99/100 asleep, and I'm like, "where are my pants WHERE ARE MY PANTS AHHHHHH". I put some boxers on and decided that was enough given the present circumstances. Rachelle changed the sheets as I took the dog out.

Man, I can't even imagine having kids.

I Hate Comcast

I HATE COMCAST

That's right, I hate comcast...their jerks...they don't know how to run a company...they still haven't given me the internet at my business that I paid for...they have no idea whats going on...they love dead puppies......they don't call me back when they say they will....they make me get all angry and slam my fingers down on my keyboard as I type...they put me on hold for so long that one call with them cost me $70...AHHHHHHHHHHHHH....they make me want to furiously swing me arms in the air and shake them up and down with a stupid mad look on my face...it took them five times to correctly install internet at my house...they send hoodlums with no ID to do it...their a monopoly...they are stupid...they don't know who I am when they call me and think I'm someone else and tell me things I already know...they are dirtly polluters...they are jerk faced stupid freakin monkeyass licking while their kicking baby goats jerks and I hate them.

BUSH

Man, I cannot believe this was "the best guy for the job". George Washington was a military master, I don't think he ever lost. Jefferson was without doubt a genius, as was Hamilton (the bastard son of a Virgin Island prostitute... no rich father to make a name for him). Can anyone really say this dude is not the worst president we have ever had? I suppose if you were a jerk, then maybe, but you are a jerk so no one cares what you think.
The thing about it is I feel Bush has had little impact either way on my life. I know he hasn't made my life better or easier, but I don't see how he has made it any worse. I don't know anyone in the Army (and I like to keep it that way), I don't make enough to have my taxes effected, and I don't think he is responsable for oil prices. Even if all the rumors about him are false, people would still never consider him a success.
I guess the thing about it is he is just painful to watch and listen to. He is embarrassing, for himself and our country, I mean, if I were the leader of, say Holland, and I served my country and rose to power without the help of my name and a lot of money I would NEVER listen to him, and why should I? The believe the same about Hillary Clinton, no one will listen to her because she is a woman. It sucks but it's the truth, and the point of being president is to be influential, which Bush is only annoying and seemingly wrong 80% of the time. But for real, give it up man, people are tired of your act.

BLUE

I finally found a copy of Joni Mitchell's "Blue" on vinyl. My uncle Steve has a bunch of great LPs, and he let me borrow it, so even though I don't own it, its great to have if only for a little while. Joni Mitchell is great to listen to on vinyl, she sings like an angel, plays crazy tuned guitars and dulcimers, and for some reason, those little inevitable pops and the constant hum of the record player motor fits with the sad tone she puts down. It really is a very sad album, one of the saddist, and would be ranked up there with Blood on the Tracks and Time out of Mind by Dylan, and Beck's Sea Change.

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine
Oh and you taste so bitter but you taste so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you
I could drink a case of you darling
And I would still be on my feet
Oh Id still be on my feet

Eat your freakin' heart out Oprah

Here is my list for top 5 novels I have read .

5. To Kill A Mockingbird
It flows, it goes, its funny, and its cute. That's right, I said it was cute and I don't care. The story makes it's point without running and blabbering on and wasting my time, and I appreciate that. "I reckon there are just one kinda folk...folk."












4. Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
I am not the biggest James Joyce fan, I guess I just don't pity the Irish. However, for anyone who ever thought to themselves, "That's weird, I seem to not be thinking the same things as every other stupid redneck around me", this book is a must read. The flow of consciousness style makes it hard to read at times, but one can still get the bulk of what he is saying. At one point someone asks Joyce's father why Joyce isn't out fighting with other boys and harassing girls like all the other kids and his father meekly replies that his son is just not into those things. I feel the same way when people are like "what's wrong with you, don't you like dirty strippers and cheap beer and getting all wasted and going out to clubs with a bunch of phonys" and I'm like "so much, so much is wrong...but not with me my friend."


3. 1984
This is one of the first books I ever really got into. Thinking back on it now, it was the first time there was no happy ending. Throughout the book I waited for society to be saved, then when I realized that wasn't happening, I started to expect Winston to somehow become a hero and save himself or do something to justify his existence which is what the people in the book lack...meer existence. I remember I cried when I was done reading it, "he had won the victory over himself, he loved big brother." FUCK YOU GEORGE ORWELL I thought, what a slap in the face, mock me with loving big brother will you, well just fuck you. Also, those rats in the prison really bugged me out and the encounter with Julia after the prison is still the most heartbreaking concept ever thought.




2. The Fountainhead
Apparently most people like whichever Rand book they read first, be it Fountainhead or Atlas Shrugged. I read the latter first, but still prefer Fountainhead. This sounds crazy, but my favorite thing about both these books is how little I know or understand them. The Fountainhead is Howard Roark's fight to be true to himself and live life the way he sees fit. This book is a fictional account of Rand's philosophy of objectivism. I feel I am not even worthy to define objectivism...entire books have been written on the subject and I have yet to see a definition I like. Everyone who has read it will give you what they feel it means, and it seems everyone says something different. I guess this could be seen as bad, as vague, but anything that can make so many people have such a strong opinion is wonderful. Well the book is truly inspiring as Roark rises above every single challenge to reach success, even to the point of "going back and digging ditches". I love that line...when his architecture designs are not liked he refuses to change them, and instead quits and gets a job digging ditches...true courage. Personally I think objectivism is better in this book because it focuses on one man's struggles in comparison to Atlas Shrugged, which has a more worldly picture. But again, I am not even worthy to have such views.

1. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle maintenance
Robert Pirsig was a genius at his entire life, to the point that it drove him insane. Sure, this book starts off a little slow, but once Phædrus is introduced, the book becomes a journey to answer one question, what is quality? Pirsig had such a problem answering this that he went crazy, literally, and woke up one morning in a mental hospital. He had been in there for five years and only remembered "falling asleep on the bed where they put all the coats during a party". The book has little to do with theBuddhistt Zen and less to do with motorcycles, rather, it focuses on what makes one thing seem better than the next. I love the way he approaches problems such as cleaning his motorcycle. He takes each part off the bike and places it, in order, on the floor so that when he goes to rebuild the bike, he just goes in reverse order. Pirsig gets into gumption traps, David Hume, and the process of doing all things. This is my favorite.